


Building up

by AbschaumNo1



Series: Building up, tumbling down and going on [1]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Drinking, M/M, sometimes things just seem to happen, this just happened somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-16 12:40:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbschaumNo1/pseuds/AbschaumNo1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe people would call him crazy if he ever told them that the beginning of their relationship just happened...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Look what I got for you guys!  
> Actually this is not what I wanted to write, because I kinda wanted to deal with the situation after 'Tumbling Down' first, but this idea was a rather spontaneous one and I just couldn't stop writing...  
> So, please enjoy the start of it all...

The first time they meet after the whole New York business is at a party. It is one of those awfully boring social events Tony has to attend once in a while and he is just about to find an excuse to leave when a tall, lean man approaches him, a smirk on his lips and Tony thinks that there is something distinctly familiar about this person, but he has no idea where he has seen him before.

“I believe you still owe me a drink,” says the man when he stops in front of Tony and suddenly the engineer knows exactly where he knows him from, because there is no way he will ever forget that voice.

“Loki,” he says and arches an eyebrow, “how come you are here? I would have thought we wouldn’t see you around anymore.”

Loki smiles. “I believe you may have underestimated me. I am not as easily held confined as you may think, Stark.”

“So you fled and now you want to give the whole ‘I’m gonna rule this world’ thing another try.”

This time Loki actually chuckles and Tony really can’t decide if he should find a way to get to his suit as fast as possible or not, because Loki chuckling is a weird mixture of scary as fuck and somewhat charming. He’s not sure where that impression came from, but while he can certainly see it he’s definitely not going there.

“Well, since you pointed out that I still owe you a drink and I wanted to leave anyways, how about we get back to the tower to have it and keep the number of casualties low?”

“Oh, the bravery of the foolish. Do you really think it would matter to me where I am would I decide to wreak havoc? And do you really think you would be sufficient to stop me?” This time the smirk on Loki’s face is just downright evil and Tony is reminded that this is an actual god he’s talking to. “But if it makes you feel better to sacrifice yourself to delay me for mere seconds you may take me to that tower of yours.”

“Now that’s a good boy,” says Tony grinning and makes an inviting gesture, “Now if you may come with me.”

~*~

They make it to the car without attracting attention and it may come close to an actual wonder but Tony figures it’s just Loki and his magical mojo and it’s actually pretty cool this time so he won’t be the one to complain.

Eventually and after a silent drive they get to Stark Tower. The first thing Tony does when he gets out of the car is to tell JARVIS to refrain from calling SHIELD about this and yes, he knows what he’s doing. They take the elevator up to the penthouse and it’s only then that Loki speaks again.

“What is it?” he asks, “The voice from the ceiling I mean.” Of all the things Loki could have said this is not what Tony has expected.

“It’s JARVIS, the artificial intelligence I programmed. He kinda runs the house and everything,” he explains.

“So he is a servant, but where is he?” Tony has to take a second look, because is that really confusion on Loki’s face?

“You could say he’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He’s a computer programme.”

That seems to be something Loki can understand. He nods and seems all in all a tiny bit more relaxed than before. “So if I just address him he will hear me?”

“That’s the concept. But you won’t be able to give him more than the most basic commands. Basically you can only tell him how you want the water for your shower or ask him where the salt is, which he knows better than me by the way.”

The opening doors of the elevator end their conversation. The enter the large living area of Tony’s home, the giant windows show the sea of lights that is New York City stretching out towards the horizon, all behind the top of the Chrysler Building. Tony heads towards the bar, while Loki slowly wanders to the windows.

“You have any preferences?” Tony asks while he picks up a glass and pours himself a Scotch. Loki shakes his head, so Tony just pours another one for him and takes it over to where the god stands.

There is a moment of silence in which they just stand there and look at the city below them. Once again it is Loki who speaks first.

“What is it that makes someone like you risk their life to save all those humans? Why do you consider it your duty to put their lives before yours?”

Tony considers the questions for a moment. There have been moments when he has asked himself those exact questions, but he knows there is only one answer to that. “I have a debt to clear.”

Loki looks at him, curious, silently asking for an explanation.

“I was a weapons manufacturer, I invented and built weapons. I thought I did the right thing, that I helped my country defend itself. The thing was, I had a business partner, almost like a father to me, a great man, except for the part where he betrayed me. He sold weapons behind my back, to the highest bidder, and then he wanted to have me killed when I was in Afghanistan. But they realised who I was, they held another man captive, he helped me, kept me from dying and then died himself to help me escape. He gave me a second chance, that’s my debt to him.”

Tony has not the slightest idea why he tells Loki about this. It’s definitely not the only reason, there is always more than one reason. But it’s perhaps the most important one. But Loki doesn’t have to know everything and Tony is damn fine with not telling him more right now.

“So you’re doing for them what he did for you,” Loki says, “Just the same as me.”

“I hope you know that I have no idea what you’re talking about. What have we done to you that you have to repay us for?”

“Not you,” says Loki, his expression something between amusement and arrogance, “Thor.”

“Wait, so you’re saying we get all of that invasion shit because Thor did something wrong? He’s not even from here!”

“You believe Thor couldn’t do anything that called for me taking the world he loves?” Loki raises an eyebrow, an air of nonchalance surrounding him, but there’s a dangerous glimmer in his eye and Tony knows to be cautious.

“I didn’t say that. He’s had hundreds of years’ time to fuck things up and I’m pretty sure that if you guys fuck things up it’s on an enormous scale. Just tell me what he did and maybe I can find some sympathy for the devil.”

Loki watches him for a moment, probably pondering whether he should tell Tony about it or not. Or maybe that’s just what Tony is hoping for and in reality he’s thinking about the most painful way to kill him. Tony really hopes it’s the first, because dying today was not quite what he had planned.

“When I think of Thor,” Loki finally says, “I think of a shadow. I think of how I was always the lesser of the two of us. I think of how I was betrayed, because my brother was so much more important than I was. I was rightful king, reigning as Odin slept and Thor was banished, but none of that mattered, when people saw the chance to bring Thor back. And when I gave orders to prosecute the traitors I was accused of trying to kill them for no reason.” There’s a pause in which Tony does his best to understand the full weight of what Loki just told him and in which Loki goes back to ice cube mode. “I believe that should explain it for you.”

Tony gulps down the rest of his drink and goes to fetch the bottle, this calls for more alcohol. When he returns to the window Loki has finished his glass, too and motions to Tony to pour him another one.

“You know,” Tony says after a while, “I think I can understand you. If that shit happened to me I’d probably done the same. Well, maybe not exactly the same, I guess there would have been less aliens and stuff, but you get the idea.”

They don’t talk much after that and it’s not long before Loki says he should leave. Right before he does just that Tony blurts out, “You know, if you ever feel like you need a drink or wanna talk…just come here.” Loki just smirks and bends his head in acknowledgement before he teleports himself away.

“Was that really a good idea, Sir?” is the first thing JARVIS says when Loki is gone and Tony really has no answer to that, so he just settles on “I have no idea, JARVIS. Just…don’t call SHIELD when he turns up again.”

~*~

Weeks pass before he sees Loki again and when JARVIS tells him the Asgardian is in his living room he simply joins him there and gives him a drink. For a moment there’s silence between them and Tony is surprised to find that it is actually rather comfortable. He considers Loki for a moment, who seems like a cat for some reason, looking relaxed but always on alert, ready for anything that might happen.

“So what have you been up to?” he finally asks, taking a sip from his glass.

“Various things you don’t have to know about,” Loki answers and Tony has to ask himself if there’s ever a time when he doesn’t smirk at almost everything Tony says.

They are silent then, both drinking their Scotch. When he has finished Loki gets up and says, “Thank you for the drink, Stark, but I have to leave now.”

“You’re welcome,” Tony replies automatically, “I guess, I’ll see you around.”

Loki smirks again. “That may be possible.” And with that he vanishes again, leaving a rather confused Tony behind.

~*~

The pattern continues and every now and then Tony either enters his living room to find an unexpected (yet always somehow expected) Norse God in it or is summoned there by JARVIS. Once Loki brings Asgardian mead (of course he doesn’t tell how got it, just smiles mischievously and says something about having his tricks) and it’s strong and Tony is really rather drunk and that’s totally his excuse for leaning forward and kissing Loki, who looks surprised and pushes him away and says, “You’re drunk, Stark. I should leave and let you sleep it off.”, which he does and Tony is confused afterwards, because he has certainly felt like kissing Loki was a good idea and he thought it may be cool to try it again sometime (he still thinks so the next morning, when he wakes up with a murderous headache, and a week later and also when Loki visits the next time). Tony has no idea when or how it exactly starts but at some point he begins to notice things about Loki. Like how the way he holds himself clearly reflects that he is after all still royalty and how he licks his lips after drinking, seemingly savouring the taste of the liquor on his tongue. And all the possible ways his lips shift when he smirks and smiles and speaks. And how his black hair-, yeah, maybe Tony started to get a bit obsessed and maybe it started to get a bit unhealthy. Not to mention that this was still a supervillain he was thinking about (one of SHIELD’s most wanted criminals since Thor had brought news from Asgard that his adopted brother had fled the realm eternal and they couldn’t find him). But somehow it didn’t matter, because everything Tony could imagine himself doing with that slender body wouldn’t happen and it was most certainly best like this.

From time to time they meet on the battlefield rather than relaxed in Tony’s living room. It’s Loki’s thing to cause chaos, he’s the master of mischief and it’s the Avenger’s thing to protect the world from it. And even though he sometimes thinks of them as friends Tony knows that you can never be sure with Loki, so he just fights him as he would do anyways and drinks with him the next day. Sometimes, when Loki has done something Tony actually thinks was funny he even congratulates him.

This is what their lives have become and Tony is actually quite fond of it. Maybe Loki is his drinking buddy now and maybe he thinks about him in ways he shouldn’t, but he tries and doesn’t concern himself too much with it. A guilty conscience is certainly something he doesn’t need and if there is any way he can prevent that from plaguing him he will be glad to do his best.

~*~

Their lives go on like that for some time. Fighting, drinking, sometimes talking. Tony doesn’t have any second thoughts when JARVIS tells him once again that Loki is waiting for him in the living room. He just takes the elevator up to his penthouse.

He barely gets out of it before he is pressed against the wall and has a tall Norse god attached to his lips. His mind needs several seconds to process what’s happening, but at the same time that he realises what Loki is doing he also realises that he is kissing back. Loki’s lips are cold and smooth, capturing his upper lip between them. It’s not a gentle kiss and the pressure Loki applies might be just the slightest bit too much for Tony. But he has no time to think about it, because Loki moves, tilts his head the slightest bit more to the side, moves the slightest bit down to bite Tony’s lower lip. A tongue, cold like the rest he can feel of Loki’s body, forces his lips open, presses against his teeth and thrusts into his mouth when he opens them. Loki tastes like nothing Tony ever tried. If he had to describe it he would probably say there was winter and frost and maybe a faint taste of honey and spices. Tony can feel Loki’s eyes on him the whole time, even when he just lets himself fall and closes his eyes, just giving in to the sensation of the kiss. He is faintly aware that one of Loki’s hands is on his throat, but he doesn’t care, because there’s hunger and heat and there’s no way he can ignore that. At that point his brain just shuts off and acts on instinct, because he just won’t think about the fact that it is Loki he is kissing here.

And then, as suddenly as he started the kiss Loki pulls away. He stands there for a moment, lips red and moist and taking a breath before he smirks and vanishes and leaves a stunned Tony behind.

~*~

Tony spends the days until Loki returns in confusion. He doesn’t come out of his workshop except for the occasional cup of coffee and using the bathroom. He tries sleeping once, but all that happens when he lies down and closes his eyes is that every detail of the kiss comes back to him. Working on the suit, tinkering with stuff keeps his mind occupied and keeps him away from thoughts about Loki. He figures that it’s best like this, because thinking about Loki may only lead to realisations he doesn’t want to have. Realisations he will probably be ready to deal with later.

He’s pretty happy that none of the Avengers comes over to visit him, normally Bruce or Steve come in for the occasional talk, sometimes it’s Thor who just wants to tell him about stuff he found or just random things he saw when he was out walking through the city. From time to time he talks about his brother, about things they did as kids. Tony has no idea why Thor chooses to talk to him about Loki, but he figures it’s best to just let him. He’s incredibly glad that none of them show up during these first days, because they would have known and he has not the slightest notion of telling them anything about how he has kissed Loki and liked it.

Because he liked it. In fact, he liked it very much. And it would be a lie to say he doesn’t want it to happen again. But Tony also knows that everything about this is wrong. He isn’t even sure if it meant anything to the Norse God. Maybe it’s just one of his games and now he sits somewhere and has a good laugh about how he managed to confuse the hell out of Tony Stark. No, it’s not okay to think about Loki. It’s not okay to think about him in that way. An absolute no-go-zone. Loki is the enemy and the heroes just don’t kiss the villains, or get laid by them and they absolutely don’t fall in love with them and for once in his life Tony will do what people expect him to do and not go there.

And so Tony stays in his workshop and doesn’t think about Loki (apart from all the times he does) and works on useless new things, he’s definitely not going to need, but they keep him occupied and that’s enough for him.

~*~

Then comes the day when he sees Loki again. He stands frozen in the door of the elevator, when he sees who’s waiting for him in the living room. He enters cautiously and slowly makes his way over to the bar.

“It’s you,” he says, which is kind of lame, but there’s no way he can find something snarky to say right now. Not after what happened when he say Loki the last time.

“Yes, it’s me. How very observant of you, Stark.” Of course Loki is his usual self. How could he not be? He’s not the one who was pressed against a wall and kissed without any explanation given.

“Well, I may not be called Hawkeye, but I have two eyes, you know?”

Loki turns away from the window he was facing and Tony can see the smirk on his face. “Yes, I know that. I hope my last visit didn’t cause you too much…distress.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t have if you hadn’t left without any explanation.”

“Ah, yes. I was…investigating something. Trying to figure something out. But now it’s all done.”

“I’m glad that I could be of help. Whatever it was that you had to figure out.” He hands a glass to Loki, tries not to think about it too much and he’s definitely not looking at those lips when Loki takes a sip of his drink. He is already prepared for another evening of them sitting together in silence when Loki speaks again.

“Do you believe in mercy?” he asks seemingly out of the blue and Tony blinks, because really, what kind of question is that?

“I don’t know if I really get your question,” Tony says, because he’s really not sure if he does, “but I think many people deserve a second chance and if that means you have to show mercy first then yes, I do believe in mercy.”

Loki contemplates him for a moment. “Did your business partner deserve a second chance?”

Tony has to think about that. He never actually thought about that, because first there had been the whole Obadiah business itself and then he didn’t need to think about it anymore, because the man was dead. Burt as he thinks about it now he realises that he can only give one answer to that. “No,” he says, “he didn’t. He did everything he did for his own selfish reasons, he tried to kill me and when he found that I came out stronger and changed he tried to kill me again. In fact he tried to kill not only me, but Pepper, too and he did everything knowing perfectly well what he was doing.”

Loki thinks about his answer for a moment, before he asks, “Did _you_ deserve a second chance?”

“No.” This time Tony doesn’t have to think about his answer, because this is something that has been clear for him ever since he woke up with an electromagnet in his chest. He doesn’t deserve this second chance, he still has to earn it. And he can only do his best to work on that.

Loki studies his face for a moment, turns away. And his next words come out in a way that almost makes Tony think he’s unsure about them (and he can’t really say if Loki wants him to hear that or not). “Do I deserve a second chance?”

It takes a few moments before Tony can answer that. It’s a difficult question, one he is not sure he can answer. “I don’t know,” he admits, “I don’t think I know enough about your past and what brought you here to judge on that. I mean, after all you could still be okay as a person as long as you’re not acting on one of your world domination plans and you probably could even be accepted if you stopped doing that.”

Loki turns around to face him again. “So you say that I, who killed countless people, who tried to destroy an entire race, who tried to conquer this world several times, you think that I probably deserve a second chance?”

Tony holds his gaze, nods and shrugs as he says, “Look, I already told you I don’t think I know enough about you to judge you, but I’ve heard enough to see that you seem to have a big bunch of bad memories and that whoever did you wrong may be the one who’s truly responsible for what you’ve become. Maybe I’m too optimistic, but I think that maybe someone just needs to give you a chance.”

“You truly are optimistic, Stark. They don’t call me the God of Lies because I always speak the truth. For all you know everything I tell you could be made up stories.”

“I think I’ll take my chances. I mean, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even realise if you lied to me, but I also get the feeling that no one ever really trusted you, so I’ll just do what they didn’t do and believe you. If it’s all lies I’ll applause you for being a good storyteller, if not… Well, you get the idea.”

“You really are an unusual man, Stark,” Loki says, raising an eyebrow, “Quite fascinating.”

“I aim to please,” Tony retorts with a grin.

Loki shakes his head, a smile on his lips, but he doesn’t elaborate and Tony doesn’t pry.

~*~

Would anyone ask him later he would probably say that meeting was the turning point, the one event that changed their relationship. Loki talks more after it, tells stories about the pranks of his childhood, or the tales he and Thor were told when they were kids. Sometimes Tony is the one talking and though his stories seem very mundane compared to Loki’s the Asgardian seems to be amused by them and an amused Loki is pretty great because his plans are more like pranks on an enormous scale, rather than truly dangerous threats. One time he turns a whole street into candy, a nightmare for every mother passing by with her child and utterly hilarious for Tony, at least until the stuff starts to melt and everything gets sticky (he tells Loki to try and make it something that doesn’t melt next time, a suggestion the other only smirks at).

Then comes the anniversary of the break-up. It’s been one year since the day Pepper decided it would be better if they went back to just being friends and Tony decides that it is a good day to get drunk. It’s just the bottle and him that evening. He doesn’t blame Pepper, he blames himself. He fucked up and these were the consequences, that’s it, simple as that.

He doesn’t even realise how much he has drunk until Loki enters the scene. The Asgardian just appears suddenly, teleports himself in or something and Tony finds himself looking up into a frowning face.

“Whadzup?” he asks slurred and watches as the frown deepens.

“I believe I haven’t seen you this drunk before, Stark. Maybe I should visit again when you’re sober.” Loki turns to move away from the couch Tony is sitting on, but the engineer surprises himself by catching his hand (and he’s more surprised that he actually catches it than he is by the sudden urge to have Loki with him that made him do it).

“Stay,” he slurs and tugs at Loki’s hand to make him sit down, which he surprisingly does. He looks at Tony with something rather close to concern in his eyes and Tony definitely doesn’t want to think about the meaning of that now. Tony raises the bottle to drink from it, but Loki takes it out of his hand.

“I don’t think you should be drinking anymore,” he says and places the bottle on the table, before he takes Tony’s hand in his, “I hope you don’t mind…” And then there’s a green glow around his fingers and a kind of weird, yet somehow comforting feeling that creeps up Tony’s arm and through his body.

“What are you doing?” he wants to know, because if he should be concerned about this he certainly wants to know.

“I’m trying to get at least some of the alcohol out of your body.” Loki looks like he has to concentrate a lot to manage the task and Tony keeps silent until he’s released.

“Wow, that seems a great skill to have,” he says feeling much more sober and Loki smiles tiredly.

“I’m not very good at this. It was never my primary field of interest,” he explains and hands him a glass of water (and only the gods know where he took that from, because Tony is sure he didn’t see it earlier). “You should be okay now and I think I’d like you to stay it this evening.”

“You got a plan of some sorts or what?” Tony wants to know.

Loki smirks. “I guess one could say that.”

“Oh, great. What are we doing?” Tony grins, a little like a young boy on Christmas and Loki rolls his eyes.

“I think we need to talk.”

“Okay. So what do you want to talk about? There are lots of things to talk about. That last prank of yours for example. Did you know that the filling of a ten metres high stuffed animal does not only take a fair amount of time to be removed, but can also be life-threatening, especially to children? Because I didn’t know that and now I can’t decide whether I should thank you that I found out because of you, or rather just tell you that it was a very bad idea.”

“Stark…you’re still not sober and that was definitely not what I wanted to talk about.”

“Oh, but I think we should talk about it, because I think some people, namely Thor and Hawkeye, are becoming suspicious. I mean, I can’t really tell what Thor thinks, but he gets this as if he doesn’t really know what to make of the stuff you do and Haw-“

“Stark!” Loki cuts him off. “I was serious. I really don’t want to talk about that.”

“So, what do you want then?”

“First of all I would like to know what the reason for this is,” he makes a gesture towards the bottle on the table.

Tony looks at him, for a moment he is unsure about this. Should he really tell Loki? But then he decides that it doesn’t matter and he told Loki that he trust him, so he’ll just have to act upon that and so he just finds himself telling Loki everything about what happened between him  and Pepper.

When he is finished Loki is silent for a moment. “Do you love her?” he asks finally.

“Not anymore. A lot has happened since then and I think we’re doing pretty well as friends.” Tony is sure about that and he may still be denying it, but if he truly thinks about it he knows that he is at least attracted to Loki by now. Also she may not say it, but he sees how Pepper looks at him, the guilt in her eyes and he figures the least he can do is find someone to be happy with so she doesn’t have to feel like that anymore.

This realisation comes to him slower than usual and it’s only when he sits there with Loki after telling him about Pepper that he realises the full weight of it. He considers Loki for a moment, tries to imagine how he will react, but then his still drunk mind decides to ignore everything and the words just tumble out of his mouth. “Would you mind if I did something reckless now?”

Loki gives him a questioning look. “That depends on the type of recklessness you want to indulge in,” he answers slowly. Guarded, like he expects Tony to propose something life-threatening, but Tony just grins.

“Great,” he says and leans forward to press a kiss to Loki’s lips.

It’s somehow different from the last one they shared. It’s more testing, Tony asking for permission and Loki gaining it after a short moment of confusion. Tony gets bolder, moves closer and his hands begin to roam Loki’s body, begin to map it out through the clothes, a very rough map, blurred by layers of fabric, but a start and that’s all Tony needs. He pushes Loki down onto the sofa and lets his hands sneak down to the hem of his shirt. He wordlessly asks permission from Loki before his fingers sneak under the garment and touch his belly. He finds it to be quite muscular, not the obvious bulky kind of muscles Thor has, but a sort of firm strength, that’s just there, sleeping below the surface and more or less invisible until it’s used.

Meanwhile his lips have wandered, he leaves a trail of soft kisses along Loki’s jaw, then kisses his way down his neck to his collarbone. He softly bites down on it and Loki gives him a hum of appreciation, his hands have crept under Tony’s and his nails graze the skin on Tony’s lower back. Tony moves away from Loki to remove first his own then Loki’s shirt, but he when he turns his attention to Loki he just finds a half-naked God smirking up at him. He pauses for a moment to marvel at what he sees: pale skin, the slightest bit of chest hair and a dark trail of hair leading from his navel down and disappearing beneath Loki’s trousers.

Tony leans down to kiss him again and this time a large hand with slim fingers ends up on the back of his head, fingers burying themselves in Tony’s hair. This kiss is slow, with as much want as before, but they kiss like they want to enjoy it to the fullest. Tony moves down again, leaving a trail of kisses behind. He feels Loki’s hands on his own torso, fingers moving light as feathers over his shoulders. He shivers in anticipation of what these fingers might do later and leaves a kiss right over the seam of Loki’s trousers. He sits up and fiddles with the button, undoes it and tugs them down. For some reason he isn’t surprised to find that Loki doesn’t wear anything under them. In fact he is much more occupied with the erection he has just freed from the confines of black fabric.

He bends down and places a kiss on top of Loki’s cock, licks along the shaft, from base to top, before he takes it slowly into his mouth. Loki groans and his long fingers bury themselves in Tony’s hair again, holding him in place. Tony begins to move his head up and down, his hands caressing both sides of Loki’s hips. Loki pants and Tony begins to increase his pace steadily. Loki moves his hips to meet Tony’s movements and Tony can feel him getting faster, can hear his pants, fells him fucking his mouth and getting tense. When Loki comes inside his mouth Tony just swallows all of it without hesitation. His cum leaves a sort of weird taste in his mouth, but Tony doesn’t get the time to think about it, because Loki seems to have recovered enough to return the favour and has pulled Tony’s head back. He sits up and he pulls Tony towards him to give him a sloppy kiss and grab him by the hips to lift him up.

It’s kind of a surprise how easy it seems to be for Loki, but once again Tony doesn’t have time to contemplate, because Loki has turned him around and pulled him into his lap. He works the button open and pushes Tony’s jeans and his boxers down. Tony wiggles his feet free and then his back is flush against Loki’s chest and his strong arms are wrapped around him. Long fingers ghost over the inside of his thighs, barely touching the skin, but still enough for Tony to feel it. He makes a sound that’s almost a whimper and then Loki’s fingers are around his cock. His thumb strokes over the tip as his other hand teases one of Tony’s nipples and his lips leave hot kisses on his neck. Tony lets out a gasp that turns into a groan as Loki begins to pump and nibbles on his earlobe. Tony pushes himself into the touch, his back arching and bending his head back to rest it in Loki’s shoulder. Loki’s mouth leaves a trail down the side of Tony’s neck and the movements of his hand becomes faster, the grip the slightest bit tighter and then Loki bites down where Tony’s neck meets the curve of his shoulder and somehow that’s exactly the right thing to do at that point and it sends Tony over the edge and leaves him panting and spent and covered in his own cum. His head still rests against Loki’s shoulder as the Asgardian reaches for Tony’s long-sleeve from earlier and uses it to wipe Tony clean, then he just silently pulls him down and close so they both fit onto the couch and somehow there are warm furs covering them, but Tony doesn’t want to think about that, because he’s on his couch with Loki, who has his arm wrapped around Tony’s waist and holds him close and it should be uncomfortable, but for some reason it isn’t and that’s the last thing Tony thinks before his eyes slide shut and he drifts off to sleep.

~*~

Loki is still with him when Tony wakes up again. He opens his eyes and there he is, looking more relaxed than he has ever seen him. He’s still asleep and Tony doesn’t want to wake him up, so he just stays where he is and watches him. Loki’s arm is still around his waist and he has to admit that he feels quite good like this. Loki may run on the coldest body temperature he has ever encountered, but the furs he has made appear are enough to keep them quite warm.

Cautiously Tony wraps his arm around Loki’s shoulder, moves closer so he can’t see the Asgardian’s face anymore. The hand that held him in place until now begins to caress his back, soft strokes, meant to make him feel even more comfortable.

“You awake?” Tony mumbles against Loki’s shoulder. He gets a hum as an answer and they fall silent again. Tony himself begins to draw soothing circles on Loki’s shoulder blade, more out of boredom than anything else. It feels almost domestic, the way they lie here together on the couch, naked bodies pressed against each other, only covered by furs, almost like they are a couple. Tony listens for his guilty conscience, because he’s quite sure it should intervene at this point. If there’s one thing that’s definitely not okay for someone like him it is to feel so comfortable with someone like Loki. It shouldn’t be. They shouldn’t even lie here like that. But his conscience stays silent and he enjoys the moment a bit more.

Finally Loki presses a kiss to the top of his head and says, “Maybe we should get up. I think we both may be in need of a shower.”

Tony just snuggles closer. “No one needs a shower here, showers are overrated. We should just stay here and not get up at all.”

“Don’t you have anything to work on?”

“Nothing important. It can wait. I am totally allowed to have a lie in with someone sometimes.”

He feels Loki shaking his head. “But aren’t you hungry?” It’s a whisper in his ear that suggests so much more than what the meaning of the words conveys and Tony can feel a shiver of anticipation running down his spine.

“Maybe I am,” he answers hoarsely and turns his head a bit so he can kiss Loki’s neck. Loki’s hand moves down and cups his ass.

“Oh, I’m pretty certain you are.” Tony can almost hear the smirk and he fells another shiver running down his spine, because of all the things that will come with this smirk.

They fuck their way through half of the penthouse that day. They feed each other strawberries and Tony licks chocolate sauce from Loki’s chest and at some point when he has Loki pressed up against the wall in the shower, black hair hanging wet around his face, eyes half-lidded and cheeks flush and his cock in Tony’s hand he realises that they haven’t talked about what this means for them, but then Loki kisses him with all this need and he feels fingers wrap around his cock and his brain stops working.

~*~

When he wakes up the next morning, this time in his actual bed, and Loki is still there he thinks he feels butterflies flutter in his stomach. He knows they should talk about this whole thing. What it meant for them. What their feelings about this were and he dreads it. He fears what Loki might truly think about this, that it’s just a fuck and nothing more for him. Or if it isn’t that he will fuck it up, because he has a talent for that and he doesn’t want something that feels as natural as this to end.

When Loki wakes up Tony is sitting next to him on the bed and he knows something is amiss. “You probably want me to leave,” he says softly, which actually makes a look of utter confusion appear on Tony’s face, because why would Loki think he wants him to leave?

“No,” he says immediately, “no, stay.” Loki rolls over to lie on his back and looks up at him. Tony moves a little closer. He takes a strand of Loki’s hair in his hand and plays around with it. “I wasn’t sure what you would say, but…if you want to…it would be great if you would stay.”

Loki smiles up at him. “I would be glad to.” Tony grins in response and leans down to kiss him. The action coming to him automatically, the familiarity between them that comes with it quite surprising to him. He enjoys it, as wrong as many people would find that.

~*~

Maybe people would call him crazy if he ever told them that the beginning of their relationship just happened. It would sound like it was an accident and maybe it was. Or it is fate that they find happiness with each other, fate that Loki somehow finds in Tony the one person he wants to trust and the one person he can trust, fate that Tony somehow almost understands Loki, that he thinks he had a lot of luck to not have ended up like him. Tony has never believed in fate, but he feels inclined to do it now.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So maybe that morning when Tony asks Loki to stay isn’t really the beginning of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shouldn't have been writing this...I should have been writing essays for university but well, I'm in a long-term relationship with procrastination so this was the obvious thing to do... (Also this really needed to be told)

So maybe that morning when Tony asks Loki to stay isn’t really the beginning of their relationship. But it is a beginning nevertheless. At first Tony is not sure what to call it, a friendship with benefits maybe, if one can have an actual friendship with the God of Mischief, but Tony likes to think that that’s what has developed between them those last few months. But he decides to not to wonder about it too much.

Fact is they fuck, fact is also that Loki spends a lot of time at Tony’s place and another fact is that they spend a lot of time apart. Tony still has not only his life as an Avenger, but also the occasional meeting and work for his company. He spends most of his time at the tower, but once in a while he likes to check upon the others in the mansion, or they on him at his place, so from time to time seeing Loki just isn’t the best idea.

So they fuck. And if Tony looks at the way they act apart from that, how they interact with each other in between fucking he can see some kind of familiarity between them. Loki mostly spends his days away from the tower, but they have their moments, moments in which Tony wakes up cuddled up to Loki, moments in which they move around each other in the kitchen right after getting up, have breakfast together, or dinner.

It’s strange, Tony thinks, strange how they can be like that with each other. Strange how he, who is so bad with things that last longer than a single night actually has something going on with Loki. It’s strange that he hasn’t managed to do something wrong yet. That he hasn’t done something bad enough to make Loki leave. He’s inclined to call it a wonder, but then it’s not like what they have is based on anything but lust and sexual attraction, so maybe there is just nothing to do wrong.

Loki’s occasional mischief still keeps the Avengers occupied, though Thor seems to think there’s a bigger picture. “I think,” he tells Tony on one of his visits, “that my brother is much more like who he was when we were younger. I feel he’s rather pranking us than trying to pursue his plans of world domination. But then I could be terribly wrong and he is planning something bigger.” The smile Thor smiles when he says this is a sad one and Tony asks himself more than ever what happened that made the two brothers fight each other.

It’s something Loki doesn’t talk about. He tells stories of his childhood in Asgard, the tales he and Thor were told back then, but he never talks about why he left and Tony doesn’t pry, because he said he trusts Loki and he doesn’t think that asking for something Loki obviously doesn’t want to tell would do anything to support that claim.

Tony is content with the situation. With Loki living up to his trickster-self rather than trying to take over the world being an Avenger much less stressful, besides his intellect is astounding and talking to someone whose intelligence can match his is a nice thing, not to mention the sex.

The sex is something else. Tony has had his fair share of sexual partners throughout the years, but none of them came anywhere close to Loki’s level. Not only can Aesir stamina be really surprising, but there’s also Loki’s age (and Tony still can’t believe how old Loki truly is), which apparently gave him enough time to get his own share of experience. And  hell, he knows how to use it.

They don’t talk about what they have, don’t define it, don’t sort out what this is they have. The rules are unspoken ones, based on deductions rather than on voiced preferences. Tony has figured Loki doesn’t want to speak about the reasons for his quarrel with Asgard, Loki in turn has figured Tony doesn’t want to talk about the Arc reactor in his chest.

Actually it’s the routine they’ve fallen into that should probably freak Tony out the most. The way he can tell Loki’s moods by now, how he knows what the Aesir needs in certain moments, that he knows which buttons to push, where to kiss and where to caress and make Loki melt beneath him. And that Loki knows the same about him. That there are times when the sex seems to mean something _more_ , when it seems to be about more than pleasure. Times when he thinks that there’s something they want to tell each other, which they don’t have figured out yet, but it’s there and it makes their skins crawl and they want desperately to know _what_ it is and to tell each other about it.

~*~

It’s a dark night when Loki decides to tell Tony the story of how he left Asgard. Tony lies in their bed, passed out after sex, and Loki is in the living room, unable to sleep and deep in thought. He’s ripped out of them by a scream coming from the bed room and immediately runs back to where Tony is, shaking and screaming in the grips of a nightmare. For a moment Loki is at loss, but when Tony screams again he grips his shoulder almost automatically.

“Stark!” he says, trying to wake him up and after a moment “Tony!”

He shakes his shoulder and finally Tony’s eyes open, a haunted look in them and before he can even process what happens, Loki is pulled down onto the bed, held in a strong embrace that Tony obviously isn’t planning to end soon. Loki’s hand starts to draw soothing circles on Tony’s back, reluctantly at first, then more determined. He knows that look, it is the same he has seen in his own eyes during the first days after his failed invasion. It’s a look he has learned to hide as best as he can, because no one would understand him, but now he feels like he might have found the one person who can understand and he makes up his mind.

In the morning Tony wakes up in Loki’s arms. The Asgardian has somehow wiggled free from Tony’s tight embrace and sits leaned against the headboard of the bed, Tony’s head in his lap and long fingers still drawing soothing circles on the engineer’s skin. Tony looks up at him and smiles and Loki smiles back cautiously. He studies Tony’s face for a moment, as if he looks for a confirmation of some sort and then his jaw is set and determination glints in his eyes.

“There is something I have to tell you,” he says finally and Tony knows immediately that his is important, that Loki wants to reveal something crucial, and for once in his life he keeps his mouth shut and reaches for one of Loki’s hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing it reassuringly. He nods to show Loki that it is okay, that he will listen and the Asgardian takes a deep breath before he starts speaking.

What unravels for Tony is the dark tale of Loki Laufeyson. How he found out that he was adopted; how he found out that his whole life was a lie; how he had gotten the chance to prove his worth, to show that he was just as worthy as Thor; how he had tried everything to prove his worth, just to find that it wasn’t enough, that he still couldn’t be Thor’s equal. He tells Tony about how he found out that he was actually a monster, the exact creature he had learned to fear; how everything had suddenly made sense to him; how he had learned to despise himself; how he had decided to let go of everything, to leave it all behind and start new. He tells a tale of falling, and going through hell until he was picked up by Thanos; a tale of torture and mind-control, of being in a void, of drowning in nothing, being suffocated and just giving up.

When he finishes they are silent for a moment, Tony having to process what he just heard. He understands Loki now, realises that in a way they are not so different and that he would probably have done the same in Loki’s position. He’s not sure what exactly has brought this on, but he is glad that Loki trusts him enough to tell this story. He looks down at their hands, fingers still intertwined, lying on the bed, thinks about how normal it feels and looks back up at Loki again, who looks tense, waiting for him to say something. Tony lets go of Loki’s hand in favour of caressing his cheek.

“I understand,” he simply says, because he does and he has this feeling that that is everything Loki needs to hear right now. Apparently he’s right, because there’s relief (and maybe a hint of disbelief) in Loki’s eyes and his whole body seems to relax. His lips form a faint smile and when he pulls Tony up to kiss him he looks really thankful.

That morning marks another turning point in their relationship. There are quite a lot of them, Tony thinks, but it feels right like this, because everything else would just be wrong and much too simple. Now that he knows about Loki’s past he knows that there is no way they can start and simply run smooth. They are both sure enough of themselves, they are both self-confident enough to just go on, but this thing they have is also a chance for both of them. Apparently they each have problems the other can help with. Tony is able to understand Loki, he feels that he knows what happens behind those green eyes, what is going on in that head and he does at least think that he knows what Loki needs. On the other hand Loki gives him the strength to overcome shortcomings of himself, he doesn’t really understand why, but it just bothers him to see Loki disapprove of things he does and that helps his resolve to stop doing those things.

Their relationship feels closer after Loki’s revelation.  This whatever it is between them seems deeper than it was. Tony realises that he has actually managed to gain Loki’s trust. That he of all people is the one person to be told about his past. He does not really understand what exactly has earned him this trust, but that is okay. The important thing is that Loki trusts Tony and that Tony might be the first person to come even close to understanding him.

That is another realisation he has and he feels that it is perhaps the most important one. It feels like Loki has never had anyone who understood him and somehow Tony would like to be the one who is. He’s not quite sure how that happened,, but he’s not inclined to just brush it off. There is compassion for Loki in him and he can only imagine what his team would say about that. But the team’s reaction is something he doesn’t concern himself with right now. Instead he just rolls with it, goes along as his life takes this new path.

Time shows that Loki can be a really curious person. Once he’s settled enough in Tony’s home he begins to explore. One of the first things he discovers is the library and it’s not unusual for Tony to find him immersed in a book. He’s a fast reader and learns at an incredible pace and he seems eager to understand what Tony does. He drinks in what’s considered basic knowledge as well as physics. At one point he tells Tony about how the forces behind physical formulas are the same ones Asgardians know and use. “You express it differently,” he says, “you use more formulas and numbers, but what you express with it is the same.” It is fascinating and Tony thinks he might use that knowledge someday.

What they do with it first is to find a way to detect magic. Because they have the time and Tony thinks it might come in handy someday. Loki smirks and says that it will be too late for him to  do anything should his systems detect Loki’s magic and if it wasn’t for that special curl of Loki’s lips Tony would have almost believed that it was a threat. Instead he just smirks back and says that he will take that risk.

Another thing Loki apparently likes to do is learning languages. Tony is not quite sure how he does it, but he’s just as fast with languages as he is with physics and it almost seems as if no time has passed since he moved in that he speaks French. Without accent. And French is just the start, building on that he learns Spanish and Italian in no time and Tony is somewhat torn between finding it endearing and kind of creepy, because it’s really not normal how fast he acquires new languages.

~*~

Tony only realises that at least his side of their relationship has changed when Loki leaves for some time. Apparently there are things he has to do, people to visit and other stuff of that sort and he tells Tony that he doesn’t know yet when he will come back.

“It’s alright,” he tells him, “See you then.” It’s not like there is anything more between them than friendship and fucking, he can go without that for some time. He’ll just live and work and save the world if it needs it.

Except that it’s not like that at all.

It starts with him having problems sleeping, tossing and turning in his bed, because he’s alone in it and it’s so big and empty and somewhat cold (not that it is that much warmer when Loki is there, he may look all human but his body temperature is as low as the term ‘frost giant’ suggests). And in the end he just gives it up and goes to his workshop to tinker with the suit or reads a book or watches TV until he either falls asleep from sheer exhaustion or has to get to some meeting anyways. He looks more tired than usual, but nobody comments.

It takes him a few days to come to terms with the aching feeling he has had ever since Loki left, but in the end he identifies it as longing. It surprises him and calls for some alcohol and when he finally sits on his couch with a glass of Scotch in hand he finds that he couldn’t care less. Hell, Loki has been there almost ever since he escaped from Asgard and he has trusted Tony enough to tell him about his past, the least Tony can do is miss him (and if there’s some other feeling that makes his heart flutter he pushes it to the back of his mind, because he’s had enough revelations for one day).

Tony knows how to deny things. It’s something he has perfected over the years, so it takes him several weeks before he acknowledges that feeling that’s been nagging him. Or maybe there’s just no way he can deny having it anymore. He doesn’t name it. There is just no way he would do that before seeing Loki again, but he is no fool and he does know what it is. He could admit it to himself, but he won’t. Not when he is already longing for Loki as much as he is and still wonders when shit will hit the fan in one way or another.

That is about the time when he decides to relocate. He feels that it’s best to move to the Avengers Mansion for the time being, less memories, less solitude and he should check in with the others anyways.

~*~

Loki takes his time to come back, but in the end he does. Tony’s still at the Avengers Mansion when he gets Loki’s call and heads over to the tower again. When he enters the penthouse he’s still not quite sure how to welcome Loki back.  Is it okay to kiss him? Or is just a friendly hello more appropriate?  Luckily enough Loki takes the decision for him by giving him a kiss that certainly doesn’t make Tony’s heart flutter. Not at all, because there’s nothing Tony denies. Nothing at all.

He knows that there are things they should talk about. Things they have to talk about at some point. But he’s also fairly sure that those things can wait in favour of glorious reunion sex. Which is exactly what they’ll have to do, because at the same moment at which Loki claims his mouth Tony can feel fingers sliding under his shirt and caressing his skin.

When they lie in bed together later, Loki spooning Tony, one hand splayed across his chest and fingers drawing lazy circles around the Arc reactor. In the utter comfort of the situation Tony snuggles a bit closer to Loki and says, “I missed you.” Loki’s fingers still for a second before they resume their movement.

“I missed you, too,” he finally admits and if he pulls Tony closer neither of them says anything about it. That would be admitting. They are not ready for that. Not yet.

~*~

Nothing changes between them for some time. Admitting that they missed each other was enough, maybe even too much, and they both know what it means, understand the implication. Neither of them thinks they should go any further right now. Maybe someday, when they feel ready for it. When their feelings are too strong to ignore them.

There’s a point at which it almost happens. All it takes is a short second of not paying attention that propels Tony into the ground, Abomination on top of him. The guy thinks it’s a good idea to jump up and down on him, driving him deeper into the ground. He thinks he feels some bones breaking, but he won’t be able to examine them until he has taken off the armour. When the Hulk finally comes to his rescue Tony is pretty sure he has at least some cracked rips. It’s Thor who comes down into the crater to pick him up and take him home and Tony is grateful, grateful that he can get out of the suit and maybe take some painkillers, and hopefully it’s not too long before he can get home to Loki.

It turns out that the only problem is to get home. He really only has some cracked rips and lots of bruises, but Steve won’t let him go home before he isn’t healed and Pepper the traitor agrees and tells him she will personally drag him back to the mansion if she sees him at the tower before Steve says it’s okay. He broods and locks himself up in his room with a tablet, because thank you, but he is already old enough to care for himself and all he wants right now is to spend a long time in bed with Loki by his side. He also sends Loki a message, telling him that he doesn’t know when he will be back, because Steve won’t let him go.

When he gets back to the tower Loki is waiting for him. Tony has talked Steve into letting him go and has no idea how he managed to make that happen. Anyways, he is free to go back so there he is. He hasn’t exactly told Loki what happened and what the consequences were, just that he got hurt and he can tell that he is not happy about it. Tony stands in front of the elevator doors and it’s all a bit awkward. He knows from the look on Loki’s face that he screwed up and he feels guilty because of it. He knows he should have told him more and he’s fairly sure that Loki has seen footage of the fight by now.

“You could have told me.”

“Nice to see you, too.” Tony tries for nonchalance, but it’s not quite working. Loki still glares at him.

“You. Could. Have. Told. Me.”

 “I’m sorry,” he says, “I just didn’t think.”

The fire in Loki’s eyes is pure fury. “You’re good at not thinking, aren’t you?” he spits out, making a furious gesture with his hand, “Maybe I would have liked to know what you’re up to. Maybe I would have liked to know how bad it is. Maybe I would have liked to know more than just ‘I’ll be confined to the mansion for some time. See you soon.’”

Tony looks into his eyes and steps forward, “I’m sorry. Really. I won’t do it again.”

Loki gives him a sharp look, still furious and Tony understands what it means. The words ‘I was worried’ never get past Loki’s lips, which are tightly pressed together. But they don’t need to, because Tony understands and his soft kiss gives the simple answer ‘I know and I’m really really sorry.’

~*~

They say many things silently. In fact they communicate everything they don’t want to say, because it gets too close to _that_ topic, silently. It’s a silent dance of ‘I’m worried’s and ‘You know I really care for you’s that they never dare to express with words, because they fear what would happen then.

What they have now is easy. It’s simple. Nothing complicated about it. Just time spent together one way or another. They can just walk away from it as if it never happened. But this thing they are dancing around is too big for them. It could crush them, just drag them along, smash them against rocky shores. What they have now is easily explained if they are found out, easy to get out. But what they could have is bigger, not as easily explained and hardly something they can just end. It’s something they wouldn’t want to end. And it would hurt them some way or another. They are not sure if they are up for that yet. Or rather they are sure, but they don’t want to admit it, because deep inside below all their courage and power and beyond all that they show the world, they are afraid of admitting it.

~*~

In the end it’s all easier than they thought it would be. In the end saying it isn’t even necessary. Because they somehow know it already and they also know that they are too far down that road to escape it. In the end they are already at that stage and there’s no one to show the front of denial they have put up, because there’s no one who knows about them.

In the end the three words that weighed so heavily on their shoulders come naturally.

But that is the end and even if the way there is not long anymore there is still some part of it left and they have to walk that first before they can say they reached the end that is not an end at all, because it is just a waypoint and the way may change after that but it is the way of their lives and it will still go on.

It all comes gradually. From ‘I missed you’ and ‘You could have told me’ it’s not long to ‘Good luck’ and a grin in reply. It’s their way of saying ‘Please don’t get hurt. Come back in one piece. I don’t want to see you hurt’. And it’s their way of saying ‘I will try not to be too reckless. I will come back alive’. And if there’s evidence of a pale figure with dark hair watching every bit of live footage on TV JARVIS makes sure it’s hidden well and not easy to find.

‘Good luck’ becomes ‘Don’t take too long’ and the implications become heavier just as the trust becomes stronger. It’s more of an ‘I trust you to come back, just don’t get hurt’ and more of a ‘Don’t be away too long. I will miss you with all my heart and I will feel uneasy until you come back’. The footage is still hidden well.

Finally they reach that waypoint. It happens in passing. A fleeting moment and it feels just right.

It’s a nice morning, not too hot and not too cold and they plan to spend the day at home, each doing whatever he wants. Tony thinks that maybe he will go down to the workshop and work on the suit. There are upgrades he wants to install and he hasn’t had the time for it yet. Loki is already up and sits on the couch, a book in his hands and a cup of hot chocolate on the table. He’s wearing soft black pants and a green t-shirt (it’s the usual colour combination, he seems to like it and Tony won’t ever object because he thinks it suits him). Tony grabs a cup of coffee from the kitchen and flops down next to him. Loki moves his feet the slightest bit so his toes are between Tony’s leg and the sofa. Tony smiles into his coffee and grabs a tablet to go over the schematics for the new suit. He drinks his coffee and gets up to head towards the workshop and when he looks down at Loki he just picks up the hand that lies in his lap and presses a kiss to his ring finger.

“I love you,” he says and Loki looks up and smiles.

“I love you, too.”

Tony just grins and lets go of Loki’s hand. They just smile at each other and continue with their day. Maybe it’s not the romantic thing people seem to want, but they were never the ones for much romance and this is just as perfect as they need it to be.

~*~

Their relationship doesn’t change much after that. They already are a couple, there’s no use in denying it. They already knew what the other feels; they just gave it a name. Loki still worries about Tony when he fights, he likes to keep him safe, but he knows that Tony is capable of defending himself. And Tony knows to trust Loki and not keep things from him. They still have sex and they still slip out of the tower occasionally to roam the streets together, always hidden by Loki’s magic. They try to cook together, just to find out that it’s even worse than what they would have managed on their respective own and they decide to just leave it be in the future.

Tony still likes to have Loki leaned against the table or a wall (he’ll take whatever is closest) to kiss him senseless. Sometimes is just not about sex or just lust, sometimes kissing is enough. Sometimes he just likes to be with Loki, cuddling and lazy kissing and all ease.

They are a couple and they feel good together and that’s all that counts, not the world outside, not everyone else. The two of them is all they need and it may be enough for the rest of their lives.


End file.
